Yesterday at mums first chemo session, the nurse told her that she would definitely lose all her hair. While some people keep all their hair during chemo, this particular chemo definitely takes it all. And that was hard for mum to accept yesterday. Yes, it’s only hair but it’s a part of her identity and it’s hers. I could see it in her eyes yesterday that she was struggling with it. My brother spoke to her last night about it and helped her decide to shave it off before it fell out, so this morning, mum asked me to shave her head.

It was surreal. I got my dads clippers, shaved her hair off and afterwards gave her a mirror to look at herself. She cried uncontrollably. I held her and cried with her. We just sat on the edge of the bathtub and cried. She gave me the mirror and walked out of the bathroom. We sat in the lounge room and I just looked at her and told her she looks beautiful because she did. She looked absolutely beautiful with her hair and she just looked at me and smiled. We had a pair of clip on earrings that she was given so she grabbed them, put them on and started smiling. She asked me to take a photo of her and to send it to my brother, so I sent him a heads up message beforehand and sent it to him. Mum had forgotten about the hair in the bathtub so I went and had a shower and cleaned up all the hair before she went back in and saw it. I scrubbed every surface and removed every bit of hair I could find, then jumped into the shower and burst into tears. I just stood under the water sobbing and praying that God would give me the strength I needed to go back out and sit with mum. I cried so long that the water ran cold. Let me tell you, ice cold water washing over you is one to stop the tears! I know mum doesn’t have cancer and this is just a preventative, but shaving her head was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.

But in true form, my mamma rose to the occasion today and while we were sitting down having tea she looked at me and said “You’ve been putting stuff about me on Facebook haven’t you? Take a photo and put it up. I’m not ashamed of my new hair and I don’t want to hide. Let people see my new look”. Hence why I’ve done this post today and why the pics are up, because mamma asked for it. I have never been prouder to call her my mamma bear and she has never been more beautiful in my eyes.

Xx