Today. Today was a good day. The sun shone a little brighter. The breeze was a little cooler. The coffee tasted better. Today was a good day. Why? Not because it’s New Years Eve and 2014 is coming to an end. The reason today was, and still is a good day, is because today was mums second last chemotherapy treatment. She has one more chemo session and the chemo part of her treatment is finished. FINISHED!!!! That light at the end of the tunnel is so bright right now and I can’t even tell you how excited I am. I … Continue reading Today was a gooooood day!
Last week mum had a severe reaction to her chemo treatment. Severe to the point of turning our 3.5 hr treatment into a 7.5 hrs session of trying to get her stats and blood pressure back to normal. It was draining and frightening and something we’ve (quietly) been a little nervous about all week. The last few days, mum’s spirits dropped; she was feeling down and out, anxious, nervous and just all over BLAH. She spoke of wanting to quit chemo and just quit things in general (that’s a story for another day because my head can’t deal with it … Continue reading A little appreciation.
Today was a rough day. Today marked the start of mum’s second phase of chemo therapy and the start of weekly treatments instead of fortnightly. She woke up reluctant to go, which she usually is each session, but more so today because she had had such a rough week last week. But she went in like the trooper she is and got settled. The nurse told me that she may have some immediate side effects and to keep a look out, but other than that, all normal, so we got started. At one point I looked at mum and her … Continue reading Chemo phase 2
Last week I had a Moses moment. If you’re imagining me standing by the beach, parting the waters, that’s not what I meant, though that would have been super cool. But no, it was a more humbling moment. On Sunday morning while at church, everything just became so overwhelming that I couldn’t even hold my head up and I just cried. And cried. And without even asking for it, some of the women just gathered around me and held me up. Literally. They held me while I cried and then they prayed for me because I couldn’t get the words … Continue reading Hands lifted high.
I was having a chat to someone a few days ago and we were talking about mums chemo journey and how she’s coping with it. We chatted about how hard it must be for mum to go through and I made the observation that it’s been hard on all of us. Interestingly, my statement was sort of shut down. I was frowned at and got told that “Well, it’s hardest for her because she is going through it.” I smiled and agreed that yes, it is hardest for her and slowly retreated. The comment bugged me for a few reasons: … Continue reading Tell me something I don’t know.
And it begins: the side effects have hit mum in full force and she is struggling. The vomiting, the body aches, the headaches, the loss of hair. It’s all happening and it’s killing me. Bit by bit my heart is breaking as I watch this treatment take over my mum’s body. I’ve repeatedly asked myself if we’re doing the right thing with the chemo and then I remind myself that we need to do it to help prevent it from coming back. I also keep reminding myself that we are not fighting off cancer, we are just trying to prevent … Continue reading Control freak.
I realised the other day that there were some things I wasn’t prepared for with the chemo journey with mum. Leading up to it, I thought I had mentally, spiritually and emotionally prepared myself for what we would face during this season. At no point did I allow myself to believe that she wouldn’t be healed from cancer because I believed that God would have His hand on it, and He did. I told myself that it would be difficult watching her go through the chemo and dealing with the side affects, which it has been. I also told myself … Continue reading Would you like some guilt with that?
So I shaved all my hair off yesterday as a way to support mum with her hair loss and the reaction I’ve had online has been amazing! So much encouragement and love from all my online friends. However I had a different reaction today when I took my shaved head for a test drive to my local Westfield shopping centre in Liverpool. The reaction from people was fascinating. I’m pretty observant of what’s happening around me: I’m curious by nature and love watching human behaviour, so I was able to pick up on the difference in attitude today that I … Continue reading Stop and stare.
This week is our treatment free week -woo! Mum doesn’t need to do anything this week: no blood tests, no chemo, no nausea injections. She can just chill out and be. Which is great because her first treatment has knocked her about some. She’s more tired than usual (that’s normal with chemo) and she is feeling nauseous (also normal with chemo but they’ve given her meds for it). But she’s a strong one and is coping well, shaved head and all. The hardest thing has been keeping up all the little things, like staying out of the sun and regularly … Continue reading Normal.
Yesterday at mums first chemo session, the nurse told her that she would definitely lose all her hair. While some people keep all their hair during chemo, this particular chemo definitely takes it all. And that was hard for mum to accept yesterday. Yes, it’s only hair but it’s a part of her identity and it’s hers. I could see it in her eyes yesterday that she was struggling with it. My brother spoke to her last night about it and helped her decide to shave it off before it fell out, so this morning, mum asked me to shave … Continue reading The great shave.