Hands lifted high.

Last week I had a Moses moment. If you’re imagining me standing by the beach, parting the waters, that’s not what I meant, though that would have been super cool. But no, it was a more humbling moment. On Sunday morning while at church, everything just became so overwhelming that I couldn’t even hold my head up and I just cried. And cried. And without even asking for it, some of the women just gathered around me and held me up. Literally. They held me while I cried and then they prayed for me because I couldn’t get the words … Continue reading Hands lifted high.

Tell me something I don’t know.

I was having a chat to someone a few days ago and we were talking about mums chemo journey and how she’s coping with it. We chatted about how hard it must be for mum to go through and I made the observation that it’s been hard on all of us. Interestingly, my statement was sort of shut down. I was frowned at and got told that “Well, it’s hardest for her because she is going through it.” I smiled and agreed that yes, it is hardest for her and slowly retreated. The comment bugged me for a few reasons: … Continue reading Tell me something I don’t know.

Control freak.

And it begins: the side effects have hit mum in full force and she is struggling. The vomiting, the body aches, the headaches, the loss of hair. It’s all happening and it’s killing me. Bit by bit my heart is breaking as I watch this treatment take over my mum’s body. I’ve repeatedly asked myself if we’re doing the right thing with the chemo and then I remind myself that we need to do it to help prevent it from coming back. I also keep reminding myself that we are not fighting off cancer, we are just trying to prevent … Continue reading Control freak.

Would you like some guilt with that?

I realised the other day that there were some things I wasn’t prepared for with the chemo journey with mum. Leading up to it, I thought I had mentally, spiritually and emotionally prepared myself for what we would face during this season. At no point did I allow myself to believe that she wouldn’t be healed from cancer because I believed that God would have His hand on it, and He did. I told myself that it would be difficult watching her go through the chemo and dealing with the side affects, which it has been. I also told myself … Continue reading Would you like some guilt with that?

Normal.

This week is our treatment free week -woo! Mum doesn’t need to do anything this week: no blood tests, no chemo, no nausea injections. She can just chill out and be. Which is great because her first treatment has knocked her about some. She’s more tired than usual (that’s normal with chemo) and she is feeling nauseous (also normal with chemo but they’ve given her meds for it). But she’s a strong one and is coping well, shaved head and all. The hardest thing has been keeping up all the little things, like staying out of the sun and regularly … Continue reading Normal.

The great shave.

Yesterday at mums first chemo session, the nurse told her that she would definitely lose all her hair. While some people keep all their hair during chemo, this particular chemo definitely takes it all. And that was hard for mum to accept yesterday. Yes, it’s only hair but it’s a part of her identity and it’s hers. I could see it in her eyes yesterday that she was struggling with it. My brother spoke to her last night about it and helped her decide to shave it off before it fell out, so this morning, mum asked me to shave … Continue reading The great shave.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

So mum starts chemotherapy next Thursday at 9:30am….sheesh but things are moving quickly! It’s a good thing I suppose because it doesn’t give mum too much time to think about it and let her imagination get the better of her. When we spoke to them yesterday they explained that the need for chemo was because her cancer was a grade 3, which is the highest level apparently and also the most aggressive. They said it reproduces at a rate of 75% but thankfully in mums case it hadn’t moved anywhere. They discussed the potential side affects of chemo, which was … Continue reading Hair today, gone tomorrow.