Tell me something I don’t know.

I was having a chat to someone a few days ago and we were talking about mums chemo journey and how she’s coping with it. We chatted about how hard it must be for mum to go through and I made the observation that it’s been hard on all of us. Interestingly, my statement was sort of shut down. I was frowned at and got told that “Well, it’s hardest for her because she is going through it.” I smiled and agreed that yes, it is hardest for her and slowly retreated. The comment bugged me for a few reasons: … Continue reading Tell me something I don’t know.

Control freak.

And it begins: the side effects have hit mum in full force and she is struggling. The vomiting, the body aches, the headaches, the loss of hair. It’s all happening and it’s killing me. Bit by bit my heart is breaking as I watch this treatment take over my mum’s body. I’ve repeatedly asked myself if we’re doing the right thing with the chemo and then I remind myself that we need to do it to help prevent it from coming back. I also keep reminding myself that we are not fighting off cancer, we are just trying to prevent … Continue reading Control freak.

Would you like some guilt with that?

I realised the other day that there were some things I wasn’t prepared for with the chemo journey with mum. Leading up to it, I thought I had mentally, spiritually and emotionally prepared myself for what we would face during this season. At no point did I allow myself to believe that she wouldn’t be healed from cancer because I believed that God would have His hand on it, and He did. I told myself that it would be difficult watching her go through the chemo and dealing with the side affects, which it has been. I also told myself … Continue reading Would you like some guilt with that?

Stop and stare.

So I shaved all my hair off yesterday as a way to support mum with her hair loss and the reaction I’ve had online has been amazing! So much encouragement and love from all my online friends. However I had a different reaction today when I took my shaved head for a test drive to my local Westfield shopping centre in Liverpool. The reaction from people was fascinating. I’m pretty observant of what’s happening around me: I’m curious by nature and love watching human behaviour, so I was able to pick up on the difference in attitude today that I … Continue reading Stop and stare.

Normal.

This week is our treatment free week -woo! Mum doesn’t need to do anything this week: no blood tests, no chemo, no nausea injections. She can just chill out and be. Which is great because her first treatment has knocked her about some. She’s more tired than usual (that’s normal with chemo) and she is feeling nauseous (also normal with chemo but they’ve given her meds for it). But she’s a strong one and is coping well, shaved head and all. The hardest thing has been keeping up all the little things, like staying out of the sun and regularly … Continue reading Normal.

The great shave.

Yesterday at mums first chemo session, the nurse told her that she would definitely lose all her hair. While some people keep all their hair during chemo, this particular chemo definitely takes it all. And that was hard for mum to accept yesterday. Yes, it’s only hair but it’s a part of her identity and it’s hers. I could see it in her eyes yesterday that she was struggling with it. My brother spoke to her last night about it and helped her decide to shave it off before it fell out, so this morning, mum asked me to shave … Continue reading The great shave.

It’s C Day.

It’s C day. The first day of mums chemotherapy and as we walked through the ‘Cancer Treatment’ door my heart started pounding. Goodness me, but I never thought I would be walking my mum into hospital to have chemo. I keep reminding myself that she is cancer free, praise God,  and this is just a preventative, or an insurance policy, as the therapists keep calling it. The last week has been intense leading up to today with mum freaking out and being anxious,  which is understandable. As for me, I’ve on a couple of occasions this last week felt like … Continue reading It’s C Day.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

So mum starts chemotherapy next Thursday at 9:30am….sheesh but things are moving quickly! It’s a good thing I suppose because it doesn’t give mum too much time to think about it and let her imagination get the better of her. When we spoke to them yesterday they explained that the need for chemo was because her cancer was a grade 3, which is the highest level apparently and also the most aggressive. They said it reproduces at a rate of 75% but thankfully in mums case it hadn’t moved anywhere. They discussed the potential side affects of chemo, which was … Continue reading Hair today, gone tomorrow.

And now to the next stage

Mum is cancer free. I’m still spinning out at the fact that mum is entirely cancer free. It’s what I was praying for; a miracle outcome where the doctor would say there is no more cancer in her body. What an amazing answer to prayer from my mighty God. Some may not view this as a miracle but let me explain why I believe it is. When we went in to see the doctor yesterday, he started to explain that mum had a really aggressive form of cancer that wasn’t affected by hormones, so it was a stand alone cancer … Continue reading And now to the next stage

Confession.

It’s been a struggle for me this last week to watch mum be in so much pain, especially as I know that she is trying not to let on how much pain she is in. I watch her when she doesn’t realise and watch how she occasionally will stop in her tracks because the pain gets so bad. I’ve also seen how she is choosing to spend so much time in bed. When I asked her about it, she told me that if she sleeps, she doesn’t feel pain so it’s easier for her. My mum has a strong pain … Continue reading Confession.