Los Angeles. The place where people come to be famous. The home of Hollywood and Disneyland. This is where the pretty people come to be someone; to become somebody and have their name in lights. And this just happens to be where I am today. Not to have a shot at being famous (goodness knows I have no acting or singing talent whatsoever!) but to catch up with friends for a few days before the next leg of my trip.. And so here I am, sitting in Brew Berry Café, sipping on my coffee while I try to keep myself awake so that I can kick jet-lags butt tonight. I am exhausted and weary from the flight but feeling, oddly enough, right at home.
This is my third trip to Los Angeles, my fourth trip to the States and I gotta say, I feel right at home here. I feel like I fit in here, like I belong in LA, which is odd as LA has always felt too pretty for me. But as I sit here in my crumpled shirt (I’m still in my clothes from the flight as my room isn’t ready, so yea, still wearing the same clothes I put on 24 hrs ago. Classy.) with my messed up hair and kids size Cons, I realise that the feeling of being at home has nothing to do with LA and everything to do with me and where I am at. I am, day by day, more comfortable in my own skin. Comfortable and confident in who I am. Confident that this path that I am on, this crazy-never-imagnined-possible life, is exactly the path I’m meant to be on. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am here for such a time as this.
It’s been an interesting journey getting here and as I sat down and played Candy Crush over lunch (or breakfast, I’m not sure but there were eggs and bacon involved) I pondered how I got here. And I don’t mean my career, even though that still blows my mind, but me. My heart. My spirit. How did I reach this point where I can feel at home anywhere? It wasn’t that long ago that I was battling with identity and self-esteem, feeling like I wasn’t enough. Feeling like I never really belonged anywhere. Yet today, while I still have moments of insecurity, (especially when I take a fancy to a boy and he doesn’t take a fancy back) I am, for the most part, sure of myself and think I am a bit of a prize. Not in a ‘I love myself so much’ way, more of a ‘I am pretty cool and uniquely made’ way. (Take that insecurity!) And as I pondered it, I realised that I am who I am because of my faith.
Now I know some of you are thinking, ‘here we go, she’s going to start sprouting religion,’ but I’m not. I promise. Despite what some people think, I am not actually interested in religion and all the rules that come with it. My faith is much more deeper than that, and much more personal. It’s not about a set of do’s and don’t’s, it’s about a relationship with my Maker and the heart transplant that happens when you know you are loved. And that’s what’s got me here; the knowledge that I am loved, and I mean LOVED, by my Heavenly Father. And it’s that knowledge, that encounter, that makes me hold my head up and tell the voice of insecurity to shut it’s stupid mouth when it tries to tell me I’m not enough. It’s knowing that I’m loved and worth dying for that keeps me going when it seems like everything is against me. My faith straightens up my backbone while simultaneously softening my heart to be able to love the people that force me to straighten my backbone.
We all have our own journeys to walk and they will all be different. Some of us will have it harder than others, but that’s just the way life goes. Sometimes you get lemons and you can make a pretty sweet lemonade out of them, other times, it doesn’t matter how much sugar you add, the lemons are too sour and you just need to adjust your tastebuds. Either way, hang in there. Keep fighting. I promise it will be worth it. I know, I am talking from experience. Whatever it is that keeps you going, faith, positivity or just sheer stubbornness,keep holding onto it and keep going until you find yourself in a place where you are at peace anywhere you go. Keep pushing through and be you, because you are pretty awesome. And because that feeling, where you feel at peace and content anywhere you go, is pretty awesome.