Tomorrow is Mothers Day, a time to stop and honour all the mothers out there for being awesome and for doing the toughest job on earth; raising kids! I love Mother’s Day as it gives me a chance to spoil my mamma, something she doesn’t let me do often. We’re taking her out to lunch and I’ve gotten her some goodies to pamper her with. But while I know tomorrow will be a joyful day for us, it wont be for many people, for different reasons. Personally, it’s going to be a day of mixed emotions.
This Mother’s Day is a little bittersweet for me as my heart is feeling a little heavy. Heavy for myself and others out there. It’s been on my heart to share this, despite the fact that I sort of don’t want to. But, I’m feeling pressed to share, so I will and will trust that God knows what to do with it. This may get a little raw at times, but I want to be honest and real, so hopefully someone out there connects with it.
While I will enjoy celebrating the day with my mamma and sister-in-law, who is also a mamma, there is sadness over the fact that the dream of being a mamma has yet to realised for me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve dreamed of having my own family. As a child, I dreamed of the happily ever after; meeting my soul mate, getting married, having kids. It was something I always dreamed of. And at no point did I ever doubt it would happen; in my heart of hearts I believed that it would happen and for some unknown reason, I had believed that it would happen while I was in my twenties. As it stands, I’m in my thirties, still single and with no prospects on the horizon, that I can see anyway. And as I’m getting older, days like Mothers Day are starting to get a little hard. Years back, Valentines Day would have been a depressing, as it’s a day where your singleness is very much in your face. V Day no longer bothers me, but as I watch all the mammas with their kids, my heart starts to feel a little sad with the longing and yearning of wanting to have my own family.
I’ve had moments of sadness at a dream that seems to be elusive. I’ve had moments of frustration and anger because i have prayed and prayed and prayed, yet it remains unanswered. I’ve had moments where I’ve wanted to let go of the dream and just move on because I’m impatient and want what I want now. The only reason I am still holding onto this dream is because throughout the years, when I have cried out to God, I have felt Him say, “just hold on.” So that’s what I’m doing; holding on. I’ve encountered God enough times to know He is real and He is faithful. And while He and I might not agree on the timing of things, I know that what He promised will come to pass.
As I was having a sad moment about this today, my mind went to others out there that are feeling the sadness of not having children. I know people who are trying to have kids without any success and I can see the weariness and sadness on them when they talk about it at times. I know there are many, many women out there that are desperately trying to have children and are not getting anywhere. I know a few people at the moment that are currently undergoing different treatments to try to fall pregnant. It’s hard. While I don’t know the pain and frustration at trying to fall pregnant to no avail, I know the sadness of a dream yet to be fulfilled. If there is any women out there that are feeling the sadness and strain of not having kids, or not being able to have kids, please know that I am standing with you tomorrow. I am praying for every single one of you, I really am. My heart is with you tomorrow and I am praying for an abundance of peace and comfort to cover you. And I want to plead with you to hang on. Keep the faith, and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that not having children does not make you any less worthy or beautiful or important. It doesn’t determine your identity because your identity is not found in your status as a wife or a mother or a career woman; it is found in Christ. Please do not look at yourself as any less of a woman because you can’t, or haven’t yet had kids.
It’s hard to look around and wonder why your dreams haven’t been fulfilled yet, especially when it seems like everyone else’s dreams have become a reality. As someone who loves kids, I will admit that it can be very hard at times. But I won’t give up hope that it will happen one day. God put these desires on my heart and I’m trusting Him to bring them to pass, but there are days when the sadness and frustration comes to the surface.
So to all the women out there that are dreading Mothers Day, know you are not alone. Know that if I could, I would gather you all in a massive group hug and shower you with chocolate. But I can’t, so I will do what I can and stand with you in spirit, praying your dreams and desires come to fruition.